It all began with my deep seeded hatred for Mrs. Kennedy's Spanish class. The woman was a nightmare and a terror to both the students and the English language. She would take words like "Jew" and "raisin" and use them in a Sentence like "Do jew get in your raisin car and zoom outta my classroom?", but I digress.

It was September, 1985. David Lee Roth was a rock icon, parachute pants were pretty awesome and fall classes were starting at Great Mills high school. Spanish 2 was one of them. I reluctantly accepted the textbook for the class and immediately began defacing it, knowing I was to return it at the end of the year. I wrote nonsense Spanish sounding words in marker across its pages. Words like "Mufungo", "Pollo leche, Mmmm", and "Guimpo ssscchhrrrrrlp". Instead of carrying my book from class to class, I dropped it to the ground and kicked it as I made my way down the hall. I'm pretty sure I tore out an entire random chapter the first time I even opened the book.

But the crowning achievement came when at lunch, I asked Roman if he cared to contribute anything to the defacement of my Spanish textbook. Roman didn't speak. He simply took my book, opened to a random page, removed the mystery meat from his sandwich (For which he had no appetite) and placed it in my book slamming the cover down upon it. Casually he slid the book back to me. Since I never had any intentions of ever opening the book again anyway, I was content to let it stay there.

Ten months later, after somehow passing the class, it was time to return the textbook. I rummaged through the pile of trash at the bottom of my locker and found mine as I had left it at the beginning of the school year. I flipped through its pages laughing at the things I had written and done to it. As I turned a page near the end of the book, the page slipped from my grasp. I tried again and page still pulled away as if it had been yanked from my fingers. I took a firm grasp and pulled hard to reveal what was once inanimate lunchmeat, now alive, furry and shockingly blue!

That night I made a special non-contamination suit to wear as I removed the meat from the book. I also used a pair of long handled tongs, a screwdriver and 3 cans of Lysol. I quarantined the Blue Meat the best way possible, in a Ziploc baggie. It stayed in that baggie until the end of 1988 when it escaped. To this day no one really knows what happened to the Blue Meat, but personally I think TR ate it.


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