Unofficial cast parties are always amazing events with much celebration, drunkenness and occasional nudity. As such, I was never one to miss a cast party even when I wasn't actually part of the cast (a technicality which most, save a few weenies, were eager to overlook). The unofficial cast party for Arsenic & Old Lace (I think it was that play) took place on a small stretch of beach beneath Solomon's bridge. Data was cheerfully passing out cheap cigars and toasting to anything that would give him an excuse to drink. Jason had his head nestled between some girl's breasts in the back seat of my car. I was just kicking back in the sand enjoying my Jack Daniel's and watching the festivities develop.

Well, it wasn't long before the cops showed up. The tell-tale signs of a collective hurried shush and the rapid burial of beer cans alerted me to his presence. "Whats going on down here?" he asked. Data looked at me and said "I'll take care of this." Stepping forward to represent the group, Data approached the cop with all the confidence of a half a bottle of Bailey's. He calmly flicked the ash from the tip of his Swisher Sweet and said simply, "Officer, we're all just down here smoking cigars."


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